A Visit from Stephen Harper (with sincere apologies to Clement Moore)
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House,
Not a politician is stirring, not even a Louse.
The elections signs are hung all over with care,
In hopes that the voters soon will be there.
The piggies are nestled all snug in their troughs,
While people on wait lists stifle their coughs;
And Harper in his ‘kerchief and Paul in his gloves,
Have just criss-crossed the country looking for love;
When out in BC there arose such a clatter,
They all spring from their campaign planes to see what is the matter;
Away to TV they fly like a flash,
Layton turns on CBC, ready to give them more cash;
The weather in Surrey is as cold as the fridge,
But all three waited breathlessly to see Peter Mansbridge;
And then, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a Liberal advisor drinking some beer;
Peter quickly heaps the Liberals with plenty of scorn,
For thinking the voters would just buy popcorn;
And then more rapid than eagles, Martin’s blunders they came,
And the media whistles, and shouts, and calls them by name;
"Now, handguns! Now, soft-wood! Now, head tax and trade!
On, marriage! On Iraq! On, daycare and foreign aid!
To the top of the polls! To the top of the charts!
Why have the wheels fallen off your campaign cart?"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So right to the voters the leaders all flew;
With bags full of promises, and extra goodies, too.
And then, in a twinkling, they hear on the street,
The sounds of frustrated voters stamping their feet.
They turned off the TV and turn around,
And saw Canada’s citizens wrapped and bound;
Held hostage by high taxes and, even less fair,
Lengthening wait lists for our public health care;
"Instead of empty promises and taking our guns,
We want a new leader – one who is a little more fun."
Harper’s eyes -- how they twinkle! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks are like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth is drawn up like a bow,
And his campaign trail is all white with the new-fallen snow.
The Gomery Report he holds tight in his hand,
And he talks about corruption all over the land;
He has a blue turtleneck and kisses the babies,
He even smiles happily for all of the ladies;
No longer scary, Harper is now cool,
And has learned his lessons from campaign school;
Meeting with families and discussing their woes,
Soon gave me to know that it just goes to show:
That Harper and all his Conservative candidates,
Are the ones who might just win on the election date;
And Martin and Layton and even the Greens,
May fall victim, no matter how keen.
And then, the Leaders spring to their busses and give a loud whistle,
And away they all fly like the down of a thistle;
But I hear Harper exclaim, ere he drives out of sight,
"Happy election to all, and to all a good-night."
(As seen today in 24 Hours Daily)